Valley Public Radio - Live Audio

Limericks

Sep 28, 2019
Originally published on September 28, 2019 8:53 am
Copyright 2019 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT - that's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming 1,000th show in Salt Lake City on October 24.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Hope that - if that got you excited, how about our upcoming 1001st show in Salt Lake City on October 25 and our show in Richmond, Va., on November 14? If you want more WAIT WAIT in your week, check out the Wait Wait Quiz for your smart speaker - just like this radio show, only now we can hear you.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi. You're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

LISA RICHARDS: Hi. This is Lisa calling from Grafton, Mass.

SAGAL: I know Grafton. How are you?

RICHARDS: I'm doing well.

SAGAL: I'm glad. What do you do there in Grafton?

RICHARDS: I am a part-time obstetric nurse and a full-time mom of 2-year-old twins.

SAGAL: Oh, wow - 2-year-old twins. So you gave birth, well, two years ago.

(LAUGHTER)

RICHARDS: Two and a half.

SAGAL: As an obstetric nurse, how were you as a patient?

RICHARDS: I think I was OK. I think I did all right.

SAGAL: You think you did OK. You didn't kibbitz.

RICHARDS: Not too much, even though I'm Jewish.

SAGAL: Yes, I know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, Lisa, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. You ready to play?

RICHARDS: I am.

SAGAL: All right. Let's hear your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: I am laying my head in my lap 'cause that special room might be a trap. Admitting I'm tired might just get me fired. Our office has beds for a...

RICHARDS: Nap.

SAGAL: Yes, right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The offices of Mitsubishi in Japan now have six rooms dedicated for employee naps, complete with recliners, mood lighting and an online sleep scheduling portal because nothing is more relaxing than knowing you have to fall asleep from exactly 3:07 to 3:23 in the afternoon.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The nap rooms will also have, quote, "pamphlets on efficient napping" with tips like, read something boring to help you sleep, like this pamphlet.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The nap pods are great for beating off midday fatigue.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What? And nothing builds office camaraderie like everyone drooling on the same bed.

NEGIN FARSAD: I love how offices went from, like, hey, guys, we have pingpong and Wiffle ball to, like, now we've got nap beds, you know?

SAGAL: Yeah.

FARSAD: Like, the...

SAGAL: Well, people are always sleeping on the foosball table, so they just admitted what was really...

FARSAD: So there you go.

ADAM BURKE: I miss the days when you slept, you know, in meetings.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BURKE: That's where you're supposed to sleep.

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Bill Gates now reflects with a pang no salad days for our tech gang. This space-age orange drink keeps me fed while I think. We'd go through whole bottles of...

RICHARDS: Tang.

SAGAL: Tang, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: A new documentary on Bill Gates reveals that in the early days of Microsoft, he would often skip meals and instead subsist on powdered Tang. That's, you know, the old orange-flavored drink. Back in those days, Tang was the fastest food option because dial-up was so slow, it took forever to order Seamless.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Gates - this is the kind of guy he was - wouldn't even mix the Tang with water.

FARSAD: What?

SAGAL: He would just put the dry powder on the back of his hand and then lick it off...

(GROANING)

SAGAL: ...Between keystrokes because, quote, "your body already has water in it."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Gates licked Tang to get a sugary rush while coding. This finally explains why you turn off Windows by pressing the start button.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, Lisa. Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: To remove excess fat from my thigh, I'll make sure that my eyes don't stay dry. A deep, snotty sob will be doing the job. I lose weight when I have a good...

RICHARDS: Cry.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Scientists claim now...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...That tears - genuine tears - can trigger weight loss. But here's the trick - they have to be actual, emotional tears. So get on the Despair-master and work those cry-ceps (ph).

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Apparently, the hormones that the body releases during a really, really good cry apparently detoxify the body and increase your rate of burning fat - which finally explains why Richard Simmons always had that weird warm-up - now cry. Now sob. Remember, your ex is getting married. Yes, feel that burn.

(GROANING)

FARSAD: This is so exciting. This gives me more reason to keep watching "This Is Us."

SAGAL: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

BURKE: Also, if this was true, wouldn't we all currently be incredibly svelte?

SAGAL: That's true.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Lisa do on our quiz?

KURTIS: It was a perfect call. Lisa, good job.

SAGAL: Congratulations.

RICHARDS: Thank you.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing, Lisa. Good luck.

RICHARDS: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "BIG GIRLS DON'T CRY")

FRANKIE VALLI AND THE FOUR SEASONS: (Singing) Big girls don't cry. They don't cry. Big girls... Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.