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Limericks

Sep 21, 2019
Originally published on September 21, 2019 9:19 am
Copyright 2019 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call and leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT - that's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website. That's waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming one thousandth show in Salt Lake City on October 24. Yes.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: One thousand shows - and if you want even more WAIT WAIT during your week, check out our quiz on your smart speaker. It goes up every Wednesday. It's Bill and me asking you questions, and we hear your responses. Just say open the Wait Wait Quiz. Do well enough, you could win a prize.

Hi, you are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

DONALD SOSAN: Hello. This is Donald Sosan in Lakeville, Conn.

SAGAL: Hey, where is Lakeville, Conn., Donald?

SOSAN: Oh, we're tucked in the northwest corner of the state, right near New York and Massachusetts.

SAGAL: Oh, I see. That's New York state, you mean. That's, like, where a lot of rich people live.

SOSAN: When they're around...

SAGAL: Around.

SOSAN: ...Lot of weekenders.

SAGAL: Yeah. Oh, yeah. A lot of people with their country homes...

SOSAN: We're not among them.

SAGAL: Do you like to break into their houses and mess with their stuff?

SOSAN: No, I haven't tried that yet.

SAGAL: Yeah.

SOSAN: Thanks for the tip.

SAGAL: All right. Give it a try. Welcome to the show, Donald. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two the limericks, you will be a winner. You ready to play?

SOSAN: I'm ready.

SAGAL: All right. Here is your first limerick.

SAGAL: I am moving my knight with finesse. With my gambit play, I'm in deep stress. All those pawns are a threat. Now I'm dripping with sweat. I get fit while I sit playing...

SOSAN: Chess.

SAGAL: Exactly right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A Stanford researcher...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...Claims that chess players can burn 6,000 calories a day while playing in a tournament. This finally explains why most of the top chess players are so incredibly fit. We assume that's true. We have no idea what the top chess players look like.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They say that the stress of a high-stakes chess match elevates your breathing and heart rate to what a marathon runner experiences without all that difficult moving.

(LAUGHTER)

ALONZO BODDEN: Could this come from - with all due respect to nerds - nerds that played chess that didn't want to play sports that were, like, yeah, I burn the same calories.

SAGAL: Right. You're saying they...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You're saying...

BODDEN: They just made it up.

SAGAL: They made this up.

BODDEN: Yeah, of course.

SAGAL: Something to tell their parents.

BODDEN: Yeah.

SAGAL: Yeah, I believe it.

BODDEN: I'm not going to gym class. I'm going to chess club.

SAGAL: Yeah, it's better for me. All right, here is your next limerick.

BILL KURTIS: As we buzz about times we have had, all us bees think of good things and bad. We pollinate memories fondly and tenderly. Bees can be happy or...

SOSAN: Sad.

SAGAL: Yes, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, we learned bees have memories, and they can tell the difference between a happy, positive memory and a sad, negative one. Happy memories are like finding a can of Coke on a picnic table and sad memories are like finding your friends floating in it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So we all knew that bees were smart. They can do these dances. They can find flowers. They can tell their friends how to find it. But it doesn't explain why if they have memories they keep stinging people if they know that if they do that they'll die. They have to remember the times their friends did that. And they died, right? But maybe the news is then that bees have memories. But they're also really dumb.

BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: Or maybe they're just like, hey, if you sting him you're going to die. And he's like, I don't care. I hate that guy.

SAGAL: Exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDTHEWAIT: I'm going to go out doing what I love.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: My tortilla got hard as a rock-o. Now the library's in for a shock-o. This half-moon shaped stain isn't hard to explain because the bookmark I used was a...

SOSAN: (Laughter) Morocco?

(LAUGHTER)

SOSAN: Oh, taco.

SAGAL: Yes, a taco.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SOSAN: Cool. I should've put my wife on that one.

SAGAL: Oh, really. She's (unintelligible). A librarian in Indiana discovered a taco smashed between the pages of a recently returned book. It was either a sloppy bookmark or another attempt by Taco Bell to find a new way to sandwich cheese and meat slurry inside something crunchy.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: A picture of the improvised bookmark went viral with people calling it a waste of both a good book and a good taco. Other brands ruined books by dropping their food products on them. Meanwhile Taco Bell got itself a new slogan donde esta la biblioteca.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Donald do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Donald gets credit for three in a row, but his wife is in there, too.

SAGAL: Congratulations, you both win. You both are winners.

SOSAN: Thank you.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing, Donald.

SOSAN: Thank you. Pleasure.

SAGAL: Bye-Bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "READING RAINBOW")

CHAKA KHAN: (Singing) Take a look. It's in a book. A Reading Rainbow. A Reading Rainbow. A Reading Rainbow. A Reading Rainbow. A Reading Rainbow. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.