Valley Public Radio - Live Audio

Limericks

Sep 14, 2019
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But, first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAITWAIT - that's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming 1,000th show October 24 in Salt Lake City.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: It's where we did our first live show back in 2000. And also you can attend our 1,001st show - that's October 25 in Salt Lake City.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

PAUL BIELACZYC: Oh, hey, Peter. It's Paul Bielaczyc from Nashville, Tenn.

SAGAL: Hey, Paul. How are you?

BIELACZYC: I'm doing pretty good. How are you?

SAGAL: I'm glad to hear. What do you do - what do you do in Nashville?

BIELACZYC: So my brother and I are both fantasy artists. And along with my sister Sara, we own a company called Aradani Studios, which is best-known for making hand-painted, prosthetic elf ears.

HELEN HONG: What?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You know, I'm going to have to have a conversation with my screeners because you're, like, the fifth guy like that this month.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But seriously, who buys these things?

BIELACZYC: Everyone.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I'm going to tell you there's about 3,000 people in front of me, and none of them are wearing elf ears.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Are you saying that you keep them for more formal occasions? I don't understand.

(LAUGHTER)

BIELACZYC: I mean, when I went to see you guys in Nashville, I didn't wear my elf ears for the live taping. So.

SAGAL: I appreciate that. That might have been interesting.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, Paul, welcome to the show.

BIELACZYC: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Ready to play?

BIELACZYC: I am.

SAGAL: All right. Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: It went down on one root - not a knee - and said, you're the dryad for me. I know it seems sappy. I'm nestled and happy because I just married a...

BIELACZYC: Tree.

SAGAL: Yes.

KURTIS: Yes.

SAGAL: A tree.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: I thought no one would get that.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: A woman in England has married a tree. In a ceremony this week, the 34-year-old woman invited her friends and family to the ceremony. And this is true. Even her supportive boyfriend was present...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Eagerly awaiting his first tree-some.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: Oh, God. Peter.

ADAM FELBER: Worth it.

KURTIS: Worth it.

SAGAL: In addition to expressing her desire to be legally wedded to a woody plant, the nuptials were a way to bring awareness to the local green space that's under threat from development. Instead of chaining herself to the tree as other activists might, the bride is making the tree her ball and chain. You see?

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: So she's got to move in with him - huh? - 'cause he's rooted.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: He can't move in with her.

SAGAL: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

FELBER: Well, a lot of us are transplants.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The tree used to only date other plants, but it's branching out.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Stump. No? Sorry.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here's your next limerick.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: Loch Ness has a scary reveal, so I let out a shriek and squeal. I prefer giant creatures with less slimy features. They tell me that Nessie's an...

BIELACZYC: Eel.

SAGAL: Yes, eel.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Yes, indeed.

SAGAL: We can all breathe a sigh of relief now that a group of researchers have concluded - they say that the legendary Loch Ness Monster is likely just a massive swarm of monster eels.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Go to sleep, Billy. No monster here - just a nest of giant water snakes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Scientists testing the water of Loch Ness, they found no traces of, like, a prehistoric animal. But instead, they claim to find, quote, "eel DNA at pretty much every location sampled," unquote, including, they say, right behind you.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I mean, it's kind of sad if this is true because if you're like me, you grew up your entire life hearing about, you know, Nessie is this monster or maybe it's a dinosaur. Turns out, it's eels. It turns out we've been catfished by an eel.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So remember that famous picture of what looks like the neck of, like, a Plesiosaur or whatever it is coming out of the water?

HONG: Yeah.

SAGAL: That was just an eel going, guys, watch this.

(LAUGHTER)

PETER GROSZ: You think that they're all, like, working together to be, like, I'll be the neck and then some of you get, like, slightly above.

SAGAL: Exactly.

GROSZ: And we'll look like a hump.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: And then there's, like, an eel who sneaks on shore. And then he comes back. And he's, like they think it's a monster.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: It's working.

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: Some more wedges and slices here, please. This conveyor belt moves them with ease. It's like a toy train. Here's the Gouda again. It's a sushi bar, only with...

BIELACZYC: Cheese.

SAGAL: Yes, cheese.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The opposite of sushi.

SAGAL: Exactly.

GROSZ: In a lot of ways.

SAGAL: If you like the idea of conveyor belt sushi but wish it was worse for your health...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Then you will love the world's first endless cheese conveyor belt restaurant in London. It's like a factory assembly line with the final product being clogged arteries.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The restaurant is called Pick and Cheese.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Not my lame joke - there's.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: You know, the first time I heard of conveyor belt sushi I thought what a cool idea. And then I actually went to one. And I was like gross.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: This is the first time that I'm hearing of either, and I think they're both horrifying.

HONG: You've never been to conveyor belt sushi?

FELBER: No, like what would make you feel less like a human being than just sitting there in like a (mimics machinery sound) - like, a slow thing of food comes by. You don't know how long it's, like, been around. Like what if it goes around once, and you're like I remember that cheese.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Wait a minute.

HONG: I can't believe this thing started in London and not Wisconsin.

SAGAL: You'd think.

HONG: Don't you think it's a Wisconsin...

SAGAL: But, you know, it's fancy gourmet cheese. You know, like...

FELBER: In Wisconsin, the belt would lead directly into your mouth.

SAGAL: That's true.

SAGAL: Bill, how did Paul do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Paul heard every clue. He was all ears for a perfect score.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Congratulations, Paul. Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thanks, Paul. Thanks so much for playing.

BIELACZYC: Thanks much. Bye, Peter.

SAGAL: Bye-bye. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.