Valley Public Radio - Live Audio

Limericks

Jul 27, 2019
Originally published on July 27, 2019 12:00 pm
Copyright 2019 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming shows August 29 and 30 at Wolf Trap outside of Washington, D.C., and September 12 at the New Jersey Performing Arts Center in Newark, N.J.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT DON'T TELL ME.

SERENA: Hello.

SAGAL: Hello. Who is this?

SERENA: This is Serena (ph) from Austin, Texas.

SAGAL: You're from Austin, Texas. What do you do there in Austin?

SERENA: I am an X-ray tech at a hospital.

SAGAL: You're an X-ray tech at a hospital?

SERENA: Yes.

SAGAL: OK, I know you probably get this question a lot. And I apologize, but I'm genuinely interested. What is the weirdest thing you've found inside a human being?

SERENA: I don't know if that's appropriate for public radio.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Say more.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Serena. You are going to play the game in which you must, of course, complete the rhyme. Bill Kurtis is going to read for you three news-related limericks, but he's not going to finish them. Your job, provide that last word or phrase. Do that two times out of three, you win our prize. You ready to play?

SERENA: I'm ready.

SAGAL: Here we go. Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: My herd leaves a long, slimy trail. I'm a farmer, but on a small scale. A cream from their slime seems to turn back the time. And that's why I'm milking a...

SERENA: Snail.

SAGAL: A snail...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Yes. As if...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...Oat milk wasn't gross enough, they're now milking snails.

FAITH SALIE: Do snails have nipples?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Do snails have nipples? Suck on that, All Things Considered.

(LAUGHTER)

ADAM FELBER: Oh, my God.

SAGAL: No, we're talking about snail mucus creams that are being used as cosmetics. People pay hundreds of dollars for this, although for half the cost, I will send you what just came up from my stomach as I started to talk about this.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Apparently, snail slime is a moisturizing agent with many benefits - collagen production, heals acne scars and more people complimenting your wet, sticky face.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hey, handsome. Did someone just sneeze on you in the subway? Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: In their shells, they don't have beaks nor legs. But for gossip, they are powder kegs. With vibrations of sound, lots of news goes around. There is chatter amongst all the...

SERENA: Eggs.

KURTIS: Yeah.

SAGAL: Eggs, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Yeah, you got it.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Eggs in the nest, it turns out, can talk to each other. They do this by vibrating their shells, an incredible discovery and an efficient way to pre-whisk egg yolks for baking. It is believed that these vibrations of egg to egg act as a warning call if a threat is detected and it's not safe to hatch but also can trick the momma bird into thinking her cell phone is going off, haha.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: It's not safe to hatch? Like, creatures out in the wild don't eat eggs?

SAGAL: Well, apparently. I'm just telling you what the scientists have told us.

FELBER: Quick, remain an egg.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We'll be safe inside here. All scientists know is that they noticed that when - say, a seagull, say - makes a distinct distress call, which they do, a warning call, the eggs start vibrating in a distinct way as if they're telling each other stay low, you know?

SALIE: But maybe it's also, like, that kind of communication you have with your siblings when you're sort of like, dude, like, this is not a good day to talk to Mom.

SAGAL: By the way, I should say this only applies to wild fertile eggs in the nest. Don't worry about the eggs in the fridge talking about you the second you close the door.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: For my baby, I'm changer and wiper. But at false alerts, I am a griper. Sometimes when there's stink, it's less full than you'd think. So I get text alerts from the...

SERENA: Diaper.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Pampers has created a new line of electronic smart diapers which send data to your phone alerting you when the diaper is dry.

FELBER: Using wee-wee-fi.

SAGAL: Exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That's a strong signal today.

SALIE: Wait. Wait. Can I have the pass-turd for your wee-wee-fi?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But anyways, it lets you know, like, how your baby is doing. It lets you know if the diaper is dry, wet, very wet, and you'd be better off putting her up for adoption.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Think of it as a nappy app.

SALIE: That's called your nose.

SAGAL: Well, this is - and I speak to you as a fellow parent - this is supposed to help you avoid the - we've all seen it, we've all done it - pulling the diaper back, smelling it or sticking your finger down there to find out. Even you wouldn't do that. But the idea is, like, it'll just tell you. It's like, you know, oh, I see. I don't have to do any of those gross things. My phone tells me that my baby has just wet herself. Wherever she is, I have no idea. I'm staring at my phone.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Serena do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Perfect - 3-0.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Serena.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much. Take care.

SERENA: You too.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.