Valley Public Radio - Live Audio

Limericks

May 11, 2019
Originally published on July 16, 2019 10:09 am
Copyright 2019 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But, first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call to leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website - waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. Our upcoming shows, June 27 at the Mann Center in Philadelphia Pennsylvania, July 18 at the Blossom Music Center in Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio. And if you haven't already, play our new smart speaker quiz. Just say open the Wait Wait Quiz in your Alexa or Google Home. And if you get four questions right, you might win a prize. This week, you can hear Bill sing his favorite Lil Nas X song. It's lit.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

SARAH PERILLO: Hi, Peter.

SAGAL: Hi, who's this?

PERILLO: This is Sarah calling from New York.

SAGAL: Hey, how are things in New York?

PERILLO: Oh, they're wonderful. I love it here.

SAGAL: Oh, everybody who lives in New York does because otherwise they wouldn't put up with it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What do you do there in New York?

PERILLO: I work in publishing.

SAGAL: Oh, you do? What do you do in publishing?

PERILLO: Yes, I am the foreign rights manager at a literary agency.

SAGAL: Oh, I see. So your job is to get those books out there. OK, so what do you do when you're not selling books?

PERILLO: Well, I like to read in my free time, of course.

SAGAL: So you read all day...

PERILLO: Of course.

SAGAL: ...And then you'd say, oh, what a tough day reading. Boy...

PERILLO: Yeah, I need more of this.

SAGAL: Let's go home and read some more.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That's great. Well, welcome to the show, Sarah. Bill Kurtis is going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. You ready to play?

PERILLO: I was born ready.

SAGAL: There we go.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: I'll take tea with a bagel theme, please. It makes froth with a calm, supreme ease. That glossy veneer is the essence of schmear. I am drinking a glob of...

PERILLO: Cream cheese.

SAGAL: Very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

TOM BODETT: Yes. Yes.

SAGAL: You are literate. Cream cheese...

PERILLO: And I live in New York.

SAGAL: And you live in New York, where, of course, the streets flow with cream cheese. Cream cheese tea...

PERILLO: Of course.

SAGAL: ...Is the newest food trend in China. The idea is you order tea, and you get a big sort of lid of cream cheese floating on top. The baristas advise drinking it at an angle that allows you to gulp some tea and bite cream cheese at the same time. It's called the tea macchiato. And if you think that's gross, try ordering it with lox.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: My yearbook has few intramurals, but it's filled with puffed tails without twirls. The tree-dwelling rodent is having his moment. We're making a yearbook for...

PERILLO: Squirrels.

SAGAL: Yes, squirrels.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A University of Texas alum is putting together a yearbook for the campus's 200 resident squirrels because when you're crazy, you don't realize you're crazy.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The yearbook has all the squirrels' names and interest. It'll be so fun to see, you know, the superlatives - who gets most popular and most likely to succeed at giving you rabies.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Isn't that how Facebook started?

SAGAL: I believe so. It was all started - yes, Mark Zuckerberg was rating the squirrels at Harvard, and it's extended. The yearbook features pictures of the tiny yard rats in graduation gowns and hats.

AMY DICKINSON: No.

SAGAL: And the best part is each of the squirrels get a senior quote, you know? Be the change you want to (imitating squirrel).

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: I hope that person's parents are getting the basement ready because....

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah.

BODETT: Right.

DICKINSON: ...That kid is never going to get a job.

SAGAL: They're coming home.

(APPLAUSE)

BODETT: That's right.

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: Fun times are their own best reward. Too bad they're often ignored. I feel a strong pull to the times that are dull. And one-third of my life I feel...

PERILLO: Bored.

SAGAL: Yes, bored.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Polls show the average American is bored 131 days a year. That's a third of the year. Coincidentally, this very weekend is the 131st day of this year. So if you've been bored since January, get ready - the rest of the year is going to be awesome.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: You know, I don't get bored. I...

SAGAL: You don't?

BODETT: I mean, I guess I do. But maybe I have enough control over my life that I don't put myself in the situations that bore me that much.

SAGAL: Tom, and I say this in solidarity, not aspersion, we're old.

BODETT: Yeah, true enough.

SAGAL: We're - a fun day is one where there's still some yogurt left.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Oh, wow. I get to have the yogurt again. I thought I finished that.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Yeah, there's something to that.

SAGAL: It seems crazy, though, to imagine people being bored when we can endlessly stream TV shows. But on the other hand, we can also endlessly stream podcasts, so it makes sense.

DICKINSON: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Sarah do on our quiz?

KURTIS: She did very well. She blitzed us - 3-0.

SAGAL: Congratulations.

PERILLO: Yay. Thank you.

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.